what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
