i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
