you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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