Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
