theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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