It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
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