pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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