she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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