you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
