she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
