First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
