So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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