I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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