Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
