I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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