you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i think i just lost a toe
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
