i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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