insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
