): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
