did you get engaged???
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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