omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
