I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
