Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
