I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
