who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
