Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
