So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
