i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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