Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
