That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
