I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
