no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
