I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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