I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
