Betty ford says i'm here all night
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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