woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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