this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
