fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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