I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
