Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My ass is underappreciated
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
