I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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