Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
