My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
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Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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