Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hippo gnu deer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
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you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
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