I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
