drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
