dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
