normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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