i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My ATM looks so different sober.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
