My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
