this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
