Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
