dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
