Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
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