you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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