Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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