Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Two words: nipple clamps
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