Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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