So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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