I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
