he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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