I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
