If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
