the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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