O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
the day after is always just damage control
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
