i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
