No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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