Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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