No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
